I don’t carry too much emotion on my face. People usually have no idea what I’m thinking or how I’m feeling, and honestly, sometimes I don’t really know either. Sometimes.
Often, I romanticize the idea of having little emotion, which is completely wrong. So why do I do it? Why do I tell my friends that I’m okay, when really, my day was terrible, and I just need someone to listen? I bask in pride and selfishness, as if it is the sun, and when I wake up, I am burned. The cycle repeats itself. It’s unhealthy and damaging, but The Lord has held me through it and beckoned me back to Him each time.
For the past nine months I’ve been living in an apartment with five other girls, all around the same age as I am. It has been quite the emotional roller coaster, but in the best way possible. This is the last week that we’ll all be living together. Through each of them, God has been revealing to me more of His character. Through these girls, God is showing me that it’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to cry, to scream, to not be all on the same page about things. It’s okay to admit that you’re not having the greatest day ever. If none of us experienced pain, then what would be the point of having a Saviour? Admitting that something is wrong with you isn’t “weak”. It isn’t annoying. If anything, it’s a reminder that we cannot fix ourselves. No amount of attention from other people, food, clothes, sleep, etc. can fix us either, because all of those things will someday, perish. Just know that when your heart breaks for someone (my heart is doing this, too!), it is only a minor fraction of how The Lord feels for you.
The beauty in pain is Jesus. To be vulnerable is a sweet thing.